I have been unusually unwell for the past few days. I say unusual because it doesn’t feel like a regular flare of my chronic illnesses, but it also doesn’t seem to be acute illness. The worst part of it all is the numbness and tingling, which I’ve never really had trouble with before. It makes me worry that the goddamn COVID infection I had back in March has attacked my nervous system even more than I thought. It’s giving MS, yanno?
I’m really hoping whatever the hell it is eases of by next weekend because I have A LOT on, with people who have next to no understanding of my chronic illnesses so… yeah, they’re not going to be nice about it if I can’t manage well or have to cancel.
I think I may have stressed myself out over a potential job that I think I could absolutely do when I was feeling pretty decent, but there were more than a few hoops I had to jump through to ensure I’m considered and now I’m like “Um, yeah… if I can’t even handle applying for a job, I don’t think I’m actually going to be able to do the damn job!”. It all really sucks. I hate being chronically ill.
It’s been just over 6 months since I started my ADHD treatment, and I’m disappointingly not where I’d hoped I’d be by this point. I’m still struggling every damn day. Just not so much with my executive function and emotional regulation. Which is great, but being mentally functional doesn’t stop the physical bullshit from being an issue.
I really feel like all I do on this journal is complain, but I guess when things are going well, you don’t really stop to think about or appreciate them. At least I’ve been keeping up with my Gratitude Log!
Hopefully next time I post, it’ll be with some better news.